it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
