Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
