the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
