my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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