I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
