this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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