Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
