just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
is it fun? or sober?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
