It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
