He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
