I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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