Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
