small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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