This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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