there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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