They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
