After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
