I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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