May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize