I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
