hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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