I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
