Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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