mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
