Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize