She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
