Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
