I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
