ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
