she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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