if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize