Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
