if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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