awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
