Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
