In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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