Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
