I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
