We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
