i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
even my farts smell like vagina
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
