Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So many bounce houses so little time
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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