i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize