can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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