In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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