Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If that was your dad, he is hot
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
