make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
