i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize