Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
