Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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