her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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