Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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