the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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