Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
