Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
