if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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