i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
