my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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