Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
