You're my little dorito
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
