i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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