I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
