cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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