haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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