I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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