tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
