dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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