Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize