I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
