Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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