She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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