If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
two words...techno handjob
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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