i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
