drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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