worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
