I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
