you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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