I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
