well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize