He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
