I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
