I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my phone needs a breathalizer
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
