i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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