I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
