He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
