Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize