K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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