He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
