take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
