oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
