Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
