I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
