Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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