I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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