Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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