just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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