I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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