I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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