i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
