I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The air was thick with penises
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
