found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize