my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
