So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
