Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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