ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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