I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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