I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
