I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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