Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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