I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
