I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
