im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
