your thong is hanging out like whoa
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
